Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
