How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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