I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bring me that man meat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
