hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
