Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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