I'm going to jail i love you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i was in the wii world.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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