Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's great music for shaving your balls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
