He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
