I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
