the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
