I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
