She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
