So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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