So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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