Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
