can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Houston, we have a squirter
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
