I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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