Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pray to the hookup gods
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
