I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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