sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just high enough for therapy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
