i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
