I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize