Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
