I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We left the knife in your bed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
