brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think your dad took our porno
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
