I looked at my own cervix.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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