From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
