Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
