u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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