I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
