Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
