i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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