just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
