At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
