Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
