I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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