You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
