I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
