its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
