Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
