they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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