I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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