you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
