you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
