If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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