Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
