Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
