You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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