You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
