Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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