Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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