So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
