Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
