Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
