remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
