I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His nipple licking is glorious
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