Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
