YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
