we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
