i love accidental penises.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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