I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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