How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
