There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
