part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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