her vagine was all disorganized.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
