my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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