fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
