im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
