I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize