you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've blown a few things in my day
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
