I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
