Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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