No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
