Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
